Forced!

I find it important to understand and accept how we have personally developed and changed over time. You need to know the past before you can understand the present. We need to see where we have been in order to realize how far we really have come. What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. At times, my past was dark and seemingly hopeless. I have writings from that time and reading them shows me how awesome life is now. God pulled me out of that dark room I was hiding in and showed me the light. To know that I no longer have to feel the pain that this poem conveys is a weight lifted; shackles and cuffs finally freeing my soul.

Tears streaming down my pain stricken face

I’ve come to discover I’ve finished last in this race

I can’t take much more than I’ve already run

My body is surrendering, retreating, it’s done

I’m searching for an exit hoping it’s somewhere near

Never getting out of this hell is my only true fear

Feeling alone no one here to hold my hand

I long for a foundation, a place of solid land

I’ve tried to reason and I’ve tried to care

But this life has proven to be too heavy a load for me to bear

With the mistakes hanging over like rain clouds above my head

I wake up every morning wishing I was dead

Reality has hit me and knocked me to the ground

I’m really nothing special; I could leave this cold world without a sound

I’ve tried to explain what’s bottled up inside

But that always leaves me wounded, running away, looking for places to hide

My heart it shows the scars of a thousand lost battles

My feet are cracked and calloused from a million lonely travels

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again

I hate this thing called living; I just wish it would end

This life that I lead is going nowhere fast

These days soon approaching; I hope one of them is my last

Now don’t get me wrong I’ve tried to change my mind

I’ve looked high and low but the right answers I simply can’t find

You’ve asked me to talk, to explain myself, no lies

But I’ve found that it’s too hard it only makes me cry

These tears they are real they aren’t just a show

Letting true emotions out has become my dreadful foe