Forced!

I find it important to understand and accept how we have personally developed and changed over time. You need to know the past before you can understand the present. We need to see where we have been in order to realize how far we really have come. What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. At times, my past was dark and seemingly hopeless. I have writings from that time and reading them shows me how awesome life is now. God pulled me out of that dark room I was hiding in and showed me the light. To know that I no longer have to feel the pain that this poem conveys is a weight lifted; shackles and cuffs finally freeing my soul.

Tears streaming down my pain stricken face

I’ve come to discover I’ve finished last in this race

I can’t take much more than I’ve already run

My body is surrendering, retreating, it’s done

I’m searching for an exit hoping it’s somewhere near

Never getting out of this hell is my only true fear

Feeling alone no one here to hold my hand

I long for a foundation, a place of solid land

I’ve tried to reason and I’ve tried to care

But this life has proven to be too heavy a load for me to bear

With the mistakes hanging over like rain clouds above my head

I wake up every morning wishing I was dead

Reality has hit me and knocked me to the ground

I’m really nothing special; I could leave this cold world without a sound

I’ve tried to explain what’s bottled up inside

But that always leaves me wounded, running away, looking for places to hide

My heart it shows the scars of a thousand lost battles

My feet are cracked and calloused from a million lonely travels

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again

I hate this thing called living; I just wish it would end

This life that I lead is going nowhere fast

These days soon approaching; I hope one of them is my last

Now don’t get me wrong I’ve tried to change my mind

I’ve looked high and low but the right answers I simply can’t find

You’ve asked me to talk, to explain myself, no lies

But I’ve found that it’s too hard it only makes me cry

These tears they are real they aren’t just a show

Letting true emotions out has become my dreadful foe

 

The Bottle

Lonely girl crying on her front porch step; tears are coming down like rain

Her heart is broken right in half; No one can feel her pain

She doesn’t know where to go, there’s nothing left inside

Everything about her has faded; her spirit has died

She took that bottle and put it to her mouth

And she picks it back up whenever she has doubts

Reality will break her when she decides to face it

Life will get better but only if she chooses not to forfeit 

 

This Book of Mine

This book of mine is so old and worn

That most of its pages are faded and torn

The writing is smudged; you can’t make out the lines

If this book was a trellis it’d be covered in vines

Sitting upon a shelf covered in dust

Reluctant to turn back the cover, however we must

Read through the chapters that we now call our past

And try to understand how the years went by so fast

I don’t want to forget you; I just want to move on

Write yourself into my story and the memory will never be gone

You say you’ve tried to reason and that you’ve been ignored

You see me standing there doing nothing but continually slamming the door

It hurts to watch you struggle when oblivion is your only foe

Ignorance overwhelms you, you’re ability to see clearly seems so low

You want the world to love you, to take you as you are

But you respect no one; you are the most hypocritical by far

If books are for actors you’ve played your part well

But it’s time to switch scripts, on these days we shall not dwell

Blood is thicker than anything I know

For family, there is no distance I wouldn’t willingly go

Until you realize that yourself and embrace the same philosophy

A sequel to our story could simply never be

So you can play this role of victim, whimpering “poor me, poor me”

Or you can man up and mature, make your way to cleaning up the debris

You constantly place the blame on everyone else

You can never do wrong; the problem could never be yourself

The book you are writing is full of selfish conceit

Work on fixing yourself before you worry about me

This chapter has been finished; I’m already starting the next

I’ll write many more as you stand there vexed

Your life is yours and mine is mine

If you’re interested in what that means, read between the lines

 

My Reprieve

The unfamiliar emotion knocking on my door

Is nothing like anything I’ve ever felt before

Freedom can be defined in a matter of words

But this liberation, to describe would be absurd

My heart has begun to open its shutter

My mind feels the need to rid itself of all the clutter

This road I have been walking disappears up ahead

All the insults mean nothing as if they were never said

Turn around I must, find a new path to travel

Start over and turn away from this meaningless battle

So today is the day I step out and declare

That I’m becoming me, stand in my way if you dare

I’ve got my best armor and I’m ready to fight

I have plenty of ammunition and only victory in sight

Life is a struggle; I’ve learned that along the way

My mistakes illuminated before me, bright, clear as day

But from this point on I’ll move forward one step at a time

True peace within you I will without a doubt find

These words are my story, they do not deceive

These words are my freedom, they are my reprieve